Unfinished Garbage Tales from Chennai

The story of garbage is being written in every home and every street corner. An everyday drama where everyone is an actor! If you take any other issue, say corruption, one may flick it away with a ‘No! I have never taken or given a bribe. Not my concern’. But is there anyone who can say I produce no garbage at all? Maybe because everyone is responsible, we tend to think that someone else will do something about it!

When you exert even the slightest of mental effort, you’ll find that this isn’t some kind of rocket science. There’s a simple solution as has been demonstrated so many times - Segregate, Recycle, Compost. I even heard a development scientist remark that all the research that needs to be done on solid waste management has already been done. So, why then are our streets still in this state? Why hasn’t all that research translated into action and results for the common man? With all these thoughts bubbling within me, I decided that instead of just cribbing, I should actually do something about it. Living in a block of apartments, I wanted to talk about this to the residents. I wanted to at least find out what people thought about this, if at all they thought. Some insights gleaned were the issue of time. When there’s so much to juggle - work, family, children’s education, where is the time to think about this? Some were so busy that they shut the door in my face as if I were just another annoying salesman. Some people did welcome me, but they too filled me with their tales of cynicism and everything else that was wrong in the place. Many also said yes and they would be willing to work on this. But still, there is a stepping back, a lack of drive when it asks for more than just words. 

While the challenges of confronting minds are many, it’s heartening to observe that the floods have lit a flame of passion in people. Many have this burning intensity to do something about this. Maybe because they worked from their hearts selflessly during the floods for strangers or maybe having analyzed in their minds that the destruction caused by the floods was because of human action, they want to change this. I find there are many who want this but they know not how. At the same time, inertia and the comfort of not doing anything is pulling them back. It would take a lot of confident and strong hands to get them to the fighting side.

Many such hands have been and are at work at attacking this problem from angles many. Here are a few that I learnt of...

In the Past…

Exnora

How can we forget the fervor initiated by street welfare associations of the 90s? Starting in 1989, the organization branched all over the city with the goal of making it green and clean. But why has their presence diminished? Even on their website, there’s hardly any activity since 2013. Have we changed as a city? Have they not been able to keep up with the dynamics of this internet driven world? Any organization working on this problem now needs to look at where this organization went and what they learnt, to continue to make a difference. 

Transparent Chennai

This was an action research organization, which conducted and produced a lot of meaningful results for Chennai. Their research, maps and articles on solid waste management contain a wealth of on-the-ground data and strategy for tackling this issue. They have closed operations as of 2014 but some of the team members are continuing their work through the Citizen Consumer andCivic Action Group.

At the moment…

KabadiwallaConnect

A social enterprise that focuses on the ‘Recycle’ segment of this cycle and attempts to connect the customers to the nearest recycler. Their aesthetically well done website exudes the freshness of youth and the promise of hope. Their upcykle store is yet to open but it seems the right fit for our artists aspiring to elevate things from the domain of dirt to the realm of art. Especially impressive is their research and mapping abilities which holds the promise of extending it not just to recyclers but also to all other stakeholders involved.

Friends of Chennai

An initiative started by The Hindu, which aims to bring out the various infrastructure problems in the city. As of now, there are more than 500 stories and 1950 activists listed on the site. This forum needs to be appreciated for giving a space for citizens to tell the world what's wrong around them. I only fear that people may become satisfied with simply ranting and not bothering about taking constructive action. While that could happen, this also holds the promise of ensuring accountability if ways are found to expand beyond reporting towards action. 

Vettiver Collective

Whenever I talk to people working on this area, this name keeps popping up. I have come to learn that they are a group of activists working on various environmental issues towards inspiring citizens to act for their environment. 

Ask the Neighbors…

Siruthuli

Siru thuli (a little drop) is an environmental NGO from Kovai, which works towards changing Garbage to Green and is helping communities to close in on the gap to zero waste. 

DailyDump

Daily dump is a start-up in Bangalore that focuses on the ‘Compost’ segment of this cycle. They produce composters for various needs as well as offer services to install the same in households and apartment complexes. They have outlets and franchises in Chennai. The Dailydump site and Youtube channel have many videos and links that makes you say, ‘Oh, that seems so easy!’ 

Sowing seeds of awareness…

Chennai Trekking Club

A group that is well known for its annual Chennai coastal cleanup initiatives.

Environmental Foundation of India

They focus on reclaiming the rivers and lakes, among other awareness programmes.

The Ugly Indian

A quirky initiative which believes in doing and showing by example. Cleaning a street, changing the look of a place, literally illustrating that change is possible. 

In addition, there are pockets of neighborhood activists who have been or are attempting to implement effective waste management even as I write this. An MRC Nagar community, CleanKotturpuram Campaign, Shanti Ulhas from Mahalingapuram are some names I have come across, who make hope burn brighter. No doubt there are many more doing this silently in their homes and apartment complexes. A salute to each and every one of them! You may climb the Everest, you may even fly to Mars but the ultimate challenge lies in changing people’s minds. These organizations and communities need something to feed their passion. What will we give them? Our time? Our money? Our minds? Our efforts? A question each one must ask of oneself, if we want to move to a different tomorrow.

Of our future…

Although the trajectory of today isn't exactly heading to a clean and green future, can we try to reimagine a different tomorrow? Isn't it still possible to conceive of a day when...

As you fly into the city, green smiles at you from every rooftop; 

Laughing children fill the groves of what were once the landfills in Perungudi and Kodungaiyur; 

IT employees turn farmers too, all in a day’s work.

Here's to doing all it takes to get to this 'The End'!

[Experiences] Day Thirty

A life-changing December for many in my city, it sure has been! Nature’s fury threw us out of our complacent routines and made us focus on the important things in life. Adding an internal layer to this all-consuming external force, this was the month I had taken upon myself to write a blog article every single day for thirty days.

Originally, it was an attempt in silencing some voices within. When you have been ignoring what you love, voices can taunt you saying, ‘You have lost the spark’ and ‘Your words are dead!’ On the brink of believing that, I rebelled and decided to challenge this voice and write, no matter what. Yes, I could have written secret little articles on my laptop, just for my eyes. But, when one writes knowing other eyes will see it, one writes with the power it gives and the responsibility it asks. So, I took this challenge, trusting life. And, without fail, every single day, there was something to move me to write, to create, and to marvel. A few experiences, I went in search of; many, just came my way. I seized it all and made this December, one to remember!

Through sickness of loved ones and the consequent sleeplessness; Through the luxury of inspiration but poverty of time that is travel; Through the ups and downs of everyday life - Through it all, I kept going. But surprisingly, not one day did it feel like a burden. In fact, it felt like a balm, whatever was happening within or without.

As I shared thoughts and experiences, I felt a sense of calm enveloping me. I saw the creative child in me leaping with joy at being given these free reins! As this led me inward to heal those wounds of time that’s there in everyone, it simultaneously made me reach out to the world outside, to my long-lost friends and to people I meet every day, with a new humanity. It was a journey, to thirty different places in thirty days, bringing out a thirty different me.

As I wrote day after day, not aiming for my nitpicking perfection but for a sincere consistency, I found creativity to be an inexhaustible well. As I fetched each pail, I saw new ideas gushing in. Many a time, words that I knew not existed within me, came alive. It seemed like a whisper of the universe and the shout of every atom, all at once.

I see this as an exercise to show not just to myself but also to you, that you can break those barriers in your head and go towards whatever it is you want. You will know if it’s right or not when you get there. I hope, like me, you will come to realize that the only person standing in the way of your creativity is you! Go on, take up a challenge and prove it to yourself you can do it, if you ‘will’ so. Make that promise to the most important person in your life - you!

Now that I have fulfilled that promise I made to myself, I look at the fluttering flag atop this small hill. I turn to look lovingly at every mile behind me with a content smile. As I stand here at this moment, a kinder, warmer voice within says ‘This is not the end!’ It wordlessly points to those rugged mountains at a distance. And, I gaze ahead with hope!

[Experiences] On Tales and Trails

Often, travellers to a city know much more about it than the people who live there. And often, a city where one lives and works becomes just a place one wants to escape from. Should familiarity breed only contempt? Can it not evoke a sense of appreciation, a curiosity to know the unknown amidst the well known? Driven by this reflection, decided to take a tour with Storytrails. Storytrails is a Chennai-based company that conducts walking tours in different parts of the city on different themes, creating an experience, wherein they stitch the sights of the present with the stories from the past.

The trail I chose to walk on was the Bazaar trail, through a bustling market area in George Town. The walk started at a church facing the Madras High Court where the storyteller for the day, Lakshmi, opened the session by sketching a story of the British East India Company’s foray into Madras. Stories of George Town and Black Town came alive with her words, and looking again, I could see a street full of traders from all over the country lining their wares, for here was a ready buyer in the East India Company with a factory that made ‘nothing’!

From there, we took a short walk to a quiet church, the Armenian church, linking the faraway landlocked country of Armenia in West Asia to Chennai’s pre-British past. A marker for Chennai being a cradle of trade for the world! Then, she regaled me with the stories of British Traders like Parry, Binny and Arbuthnot and their exploits in work and personal life. With the past running in the background, we then walked, nay bumped, into today! Narrow streets piled with vegetables, spices and assorted things; A truck trying to venture into a road that we would think twice to walk into; Every couple of minutes, someone saying ‘Nagarunga(Step aside)’ and wanting your space; Hangover drenched faces of sellers, loudly bargaining with customers and sounds of Chennai’s unique dialect ringing in the air!

Walking with Lakshmi, I learnt unknown facets of everyday things in a local household: Of how an unattractive ridge gourd becomes a beautifying, biodegradable loofah; how the banyan leaf is an offshoot of the caste system; Of English women carrying snuff in bejeweled boxes supposedly to clear their sinuses; Of chilies and lemons wading away the bringer of doom, Allakshmi and many more such intricacies, in a sensory albeit sneeze-filled experience.

Before it was time to say bye, I wanted to know the story behind my storyteller’s storytelling. She told me how this path emerged with her training in Montessori education and its emphasis on storytelling. When she heard of this venture, she wanted to reinvent her passion of storytelling and joined this team. Showing how committed she is,  she talks about doing tours on all seven days of the week and only trying not to do more than one on a Sunday! When I asked her if it wasn’t boring to tell the same story, she said ‘Surprisingly no. I’ve even stopped analyzing why.’ She says she tries to vary the fare and tell a funny line with a different intonation or in a different order. She talked about how much she learns from the people she meets, mentioning the one time she received an instant crash course on the fine art of slowing down!  All this made me reflect that a story is not just about people or incidents in the past or imaginary present but has as much to say about the person telling it and the person listening to it. So, here’s a job for someone with a penchant to meet and greet the world with stories of one’s city!

[Experiences] Zen and the Art of Waste Management

Last afternoon, when I was going to pick Haiku from school, Adyar Signal was doing her thing, stopping men in their tracks. An expensive black SUV was in line ahead, waiting for her to change her mind. Just then, one of its rear power windows slid down stylishly and then, an empty plastic cup descended on the road. Sirens started going off in my head. I didn’t know how long I had at the signal. But decided to brave it and bear a few honks if I had to. Pushed the gear to neutral, pulled up the handbrake, clicked my seatbelt open, snatched my car keys out, slammed the door and strode ahead. Picking up the abandoned cup, I walked up to that expensive SUV and peeped into its posh interiors. A little boy in a uniform sat there, looking so like my own son. I held the cup in one hand and waved a ‘No-no!’ with my other hand. Then, dashed back to my car. I know not if this crazy aunty on the road made any difference to him. But, it was worth a try!

As my car moved into first gear, my mind went reverse, mining for moments like this one. Popped a short scene from years ago. My big Haiku was then, just in pre-school! One day, when walking towards his school, saw a paper cup fly out of an open car window. I bent down, picked it up, looked at the driver in the car and asked with a smile, ‘Why don’t you drop it in the dustbin?’ He got the cup from my hands and smiling sheepishly said ‘Sorry, madam. I will!’

Another morning, when the sun had just got up and was scuffling around in search of the newspaper, I was taking a walk and I saw two ladies seated on the pavement outside an apartment having coffee. One of them done slurping the last drop nonchalantly threw her cup on the ground, totally engrossed in the animated talk of her companion. I walked up to her and asked her, ‘Why don’t you drop it in the dustbin?’ She replied that the corporation cleaning lady would clean it up.  ‘Still…?’ I asked with a smile. She smiled too and I left.

Heartened by these harmless little incidents, I was getting rather complacent about my approach. One evening, when I was taking Haiku to his Karate class, I saw a middle-aged man walk out of a shop. Having finished his packet of chips, he threw the plastic cover right where he was standing. Walking up to him and pointing to a dustbin close by, I asked him that question you must know by heart by now - ‘Why don’t you drop it into the dustbin?’ That was it! As though I had said a dirty thing, that man started yelling. The voice level set to an embarrassing red, he first admonished me asking what right I had to ask that question to him and then advised me to go and clean my home. In an interesting turn, he then shouted, ‘Did you pay your dowry?’ Even now, no matter how much I flex my logical muscles, for the life of me, I can’t understand what that’s got to do with anything! Anyway, he started exhibiting his superior skills in hurling English words for verbally abusing a woman. When Haiku looked up and asked me, ’Why is he shouting at you, Amma?’, I decided it was time to move away before my son got into the ‘What is he shouting…?’ part!

Why all this fuss over a piece of paper or a plastic cover on the road, you may ask. Isn’t there garbage flying everywhere around? Even around that very dustbin that I ask these people to drop the trash. You would make an excellent point even if you went a step further and said, ’What difference does it make even if you are going to hurl it into a dustbin? It’s going to a dump yard and be on the ground elsewhere!’

‘Still…’, a voice inside whispers in response, ‘isn’t not littering the very least you can do for mother earth?’ First, we’ll hope for the hand that takes the trash to the place it belongs, then the mind to think about recycling and then eventually, the heart to care for all of earth as each one’s own home, as it truly is.

But as long as such screaming strangers continue to live in our home, my motto is only going to be: ‘You drop, I pick up, No talk’!

[Experiences] Life of (Chenn)ai!

Hot and humid Chennai always had a soft corner for the rain lady. He would wait with dreamy eyes, eagerly looking at the ocean, waiting for her to float by. At times, she would arrive on time and be just right to quench his thirst. But at times, like now, the December of 2015, she becomes so fierce, so full of passion that our guy is simply dumbstruck!

The reality right now: Roads caving in; Lakes breaching; Streets flooding. Electricity turned off to keep people safe; Inverters long done with dispensing the last drops of current; Children holed up in homes with no way to exert their physical energies; On social media, float around, images of cars submerged in water, of water pipes bursting out from the roads and of people in neck-deep water.

While nature streaks havoc outside, humanity rises like a benevolent wave. Hear news of mosques opening their doors to people of all religion; Of multinational companies sheltering the homeless; Of reel heroes turning real heroes, wading in deep waters, rescuing people in the city. Trains running; Traffic cops working; Fisher folk rescuing people inland; The world rushing in, with prayers and relief support. Conservative Chennai opening its doors to strangers. In power-shut dark homes, people lighting up homes with smiles and kind enquiries.

Courage and compassion shines in unexpected corners of Chennai. Waters will recede. Hoping this spirit remains. Why should we come together only in times of disaster? Nothing has changed. We have not been given super powers overnight. We are the same people, bickering over pointless issues, just a few days ago. If we could turn this energy and focus, that is obviously inherent in us, even at good times, towards the community, can we not solve many such problems even before they arise? 

Scientists in ivory towers saying theoretically they have solutions for all the problems whereas it takes decades to reach the common man, always a little too late. We have umpteen engineering colleges and an IIT to boot but have roads caving in. We still don’t have renewable energy sources to get us back on our feet instantly. There’s something missing in the picture. We should build bridges linking these seemingly disparate worlds. Opposed to this culture of students being preoccupied about grades and placements, if their involvement in their communities is welcomed and encouraged, wouldn’t that be a more satisfying education to them? Wouldn’t they leave with a smile of having been of use even before they became productive workers? We are a ‘feeling’ city, no doubt. We empathize and go beyond our limits to answer calls of help. Shouldn’t we also work on becoming a ‘thinking’ city that foresees and prepares?

Opening my eyes, I seem to have started in a placid lake and drifted away to unchartered waters. Perhaps, my thoughts too are mere things moving on their own accord, in this gushing river of my here and now!

[Experiences] A Taiko Haiku at Auroville

Drums... The very word vibrates with life. I do believe that humankind’s creative energy must have been woken up by the sound of drumbeats. As the first men and women leaped to the beat of the drums, so must have their consciousness leaped ahead. The sense of this I savoured at Auroville this weekend, experiencing a Taiko performance. What is this Taiko, you may ask. To define, it’s a Japanese art form wherein different drums of various shapes and sizes are played upon, to create music and tell a story. At Auroville where I saw it for the first time, it was not just about different sized drums; it was about people from different parts of the world coming together to perform Taiko.

At first glance, on the stage, they were people with different facial features, skin tones and hair colour - A French, a Spaniard, an Indian, Africans and Japanese, but then they turned into magicians filling the air with the oneness of their music. An abstract and perfect introduction to what Auroville is, neatly sketching that spark of unity in diversity. This performance made me realise that art can sometimes make us understand complex concepts intuitively and instantly, that even pages and pages of explanation cannot convey. Personally too, those drum beats woke up the creative energy I thought to be lost within me. An exquisite, extraordinary thing that made me see, hear, touch, taste and sense an awakening. A thing that made every one of my cells leap like that first human.

The beat of the drums was set to the seasons of life. The rustle of the flowers yawning and waking up from the frost in spring; The fiery and fun sun in summer; The final dance of the leaves in autumn; The slowing snow in winter - These elements echoed in the language of drums. In the musicians, I saw their culture reverberating in the way they played their drums. The Africans’ raw emotion in swaying with their entire body as they beat the drums; The joy of the Latino beats; The spirituality of India; The mysticism of Japan - A delight to dwell upon. Truly, Auroville is a microscopic vision of what this world can be, if nations more often held hands than turn their backs to each other. 

Here’s wishing that like these drumbeats, hearts in different parts of the world beat together and echo the same music of hope for humanity!

[Experiences] Yours Subtly - On being a Subtitler

All those blog words away, at the end of the article on my experiences in search of a career, I had written, "I am now growing my own wings to fly in my own sky.... and soon, I will take you with me." 

The time has come to show you the world of my work. Friends who have been following me all these months already know that it's subtitling, I'm talking about. Still, whenever I meet someone new and I tell them I'm a subtitler, they look up curiously and ask what's that. So, here's to all those wanting to know more.

Let me tell you first how I found this sky. Having bid a bye to my five-year-old career in software, I was trying out many things. But at the same time, I was doing something without even giving it a thought. I was translating Madhan Karky's lyrics for his website. Just for him. Sometimes what you are desperately searching for is right under your nose! I realised that this was a love for languages and words, which went a long way back to my childhood, when I couldn't wait to vanish into the world of yet another book. A window opened and I could see where I wanted to go. Just because my spouse is in the movie industry, I didn't dive right in and start churning out subtitles any way I wanted. I wanted to learn all about it, first. I found the right person to teach me the art of subtitling. Bartho Kriek, founder of Subtitling Worldwide, is a certified teacher of subtitling and has been working on this field for decades. I spent three months and more than 200 hours of practice, working on Subtitling Worldwide's course to understand what good subtitling is.

'Subtitling? Isn't it about putting some words on the screen? What's the big deal?' - These thoughts may have crossed many minds. It may not be rocket science but I can tell why it is fairly challenging. In a given time frame of so many seconds, here are some of the many constraints, a subtitler faces:
1. You have to say what's being said in a maximum of around 86 characters.
2. Not reveal a comic punch line or suspense pointer.
3. The time window must not be too short or too long to disturb the viewing experience.
4. Ensure that the sentence is grammatically correct.
5. Present the essence of what's said to be read in the blink of an eye.


First of all, a subtitler must pack up his/her ego. Subtitles/ Translations are not about you. It's about a creation and you are just a medium through which it reaches a larger audience. You may have the skills to rhyme like a rapper, but that's useless and rather harmful if you are going to distract the audience from visuals that was created with so much effort. Hundreds of people have left the comfort of their home to stand in the rain and shine, to create something for the viewer to relish. If you, as the subtitler, are going to put complicated words to cater to your ego, you are not being true to the ethics of your work. A subtitler just needs to know where to talk, what to talk and more importantly, where to stay silent.

In the movie Thangameengal, which I had the good fortune of subtitling, towards the end of the movie, there is the scene when the father saves the daughter from the pond and shows the gift he has fought for and brought for her. As the child fondles the puppy with so much love, music from the mesmerising 'Ananda Yazhai' plays in the background. At this time, the little girl, calls out to the puppy with some endearing names. I didn't subtitle the words that the little girl calls out to that puppy right then, because at that moment what I felt was more important was that delightful expression on the child's face and that heavenly music playing.

There is justice in this world. Your hard work will surely find its reward. Thangameengal is travelling to many, many places today. On a personal note, I was so touched to read these words by Director Ram, saying how the audience in the International Film Festival in Goa, laughed in all the places where they laughed here in Tamilnadu and they clapped in all the places, where they clapped in Tamilnadu. To a subtitler, there is no greater compliment than to have a non-native speaker relish a movie like a native speaker!

Subtitles are for people who speak other languages, for them to savour a story in your language. When people who are Tamil speakers congratulate me on the aptness of my subtitles, I feel good that they have taken the time and effort to acknowledge my work. Still, my true happiness is in touching the heart of a non-native person, who has understood the beauty and meaning of what a creator is conveying. I received many appreciations for my work in 'Irandam Ulagam' but most precious of it, is the one accorded by a film school student in the UK, who does not know Tamil but is a fan of Tamil Cinema. He wrote to me saying,

"And thank you SO MUCH for the subs! Clear, concise, readable, and with all the Selva essence in tact! It is due to your work that I enjoyed the crazy dialogues (Anushka's friend analysing every part of Arya's body was my personal favourite...hilarious and strange!). I hope you have many more projects in the future and that they all make it to UK screens. This was my subbed first film of yours I've seen, and I loved the lack of over-complicated flowery language that the characters obviously didn't say (I'm too used to that!!) and the very readable formatting. Glad to see all the songs subbed as well!"

It's their appreciation of a movie, that's the best possible appreciation I could receive.

Then again, you have the complicated task of subtitling comedy movies. Anyone trying to elicit a laugh from the audience will appreciate how difficult the task is. Now compound that to the fact that it's in another language. Your jokes are not their jokes. What would tickle you may make them feel icky! So, it's challenging and interesting too, to do translations of comedies. Subtitling movies like 'Itharkkuthane Aasaipattai Balakumara' and 'Sutta Kadhai' gave me an opportunity to experiment with the comedy genre of movies.

In 'Itharkkuthane', anyone who has watched the movie would remember the following exchange between Sumar Moonji Kumar and Rombha Sumar Moonji Kumar:
"Annachiye Thookiralamaa?"
To which Vijay Sethupathy replies
"Annachi enna kulandhaiyaa da thookarathukku?"

A Tamil speaker understands that this is a comic play on the word, 'thookirathu', which means both 'to finish someone' and 'to lift something'. A literal translation would fall flat here. So I worked to find a right equivalent, which went like this,
"Shall we take out Brother?"
The reply is in the image below:

Coming to songs, which are the quintessential part of Tamil movies. I see songs as the quaint bridges that connect shifts in the movie. Songs written well, convey much more than many scenes put together. The songs are ploys used by our directors to quickly present the emotions, which are shifting gears in the actors. Movies go to foreign locales, work on intricate choreography or in the case of montages, have a lot of events unfolding on the screen.

To truly enhance these visuals, you need to work as much as possible on the beauty of language, but definitely not at the cost of distracting the viewer from those intricate emotions and painstaking visuals. In all my songs, I try to do that tightrope walk between beauty and meaning. With the nuanced and fine visuals that our directors create, the subtitler just needs to present the words as poetically and as simply, as possible.

What do I want for myself in this career? Do I want to do 100, 200 movies? I have never been a number person. It's not about how wide I go, just how deep! Each movie I accept, I give it my best. I take it as a challenge and a responsibility of taking what I have relished to many more people on this planet. If for every movie, even one person somewhere in the world has understood something because of my subtitles, I will consider my work well done and life well spent here.

I call upon anyone interested in this field. It's a fascinating world. If you love movies, have a flair for languages and most importantly, if you can empathise, welcome to the world of subtitling. Equip yourself. Learn the art of subtitling like I did, from people who know what they are talking about. There's a huge need for quality subtitling in Tamil Cinema. Hone your wings and come fly in this sky of subtitling!

[Experiences] All in the Name of Work!

"What do you do?", not "How do you do?", has always been the defining question asked of someone. I, for one, have tried to answer this, in ahem, so many ways! After nearly 15 years of meandering along a winding path with many dead ends, I am now looking back at it, with a laugh here, with a thought there and I invite you to join me in my walk backwards.

School:

Mind-Voice: "You see, my sister is a doctor. She's always roaming around with books, heavier than her. Why on earth, would I go through all that pain? Besides since I'm so great at Maths, always scoring centum in all my exams, undoubtedly, an engineer and where else but Anna University."

Wows: 

Obvious: Being the topper in school; Scoring a centum in Chemistry (I forbid you to ask me any formula!)

Precious: Scoring high in Tamil and English

Possible-Paths:

Actually: Anything and everything in the world

Really: Engineer and Doctor

Electronics and Communication Engineer:

                                   

Mind-Voice: "What am I doing here? All these machines, line drawings, workshop, ICs are freaking me out. I shouldn't be here. I am going to be a psychologist... mmm no wait, writer... mmm no wait IAS officer... no, no, no, social activist.... Okay, okay, I hear what you're telling me, I've started this, so I should finish it.... I still haven't decided what I'm going to do, but here is this software company calling me for an interview, let me attend it and see what happens. " 

Wows: 

Obvious: Having no arrears in all of my 8 semesters (I still don't understand how I achieved this feat!)

Precious: The only S(Excellent) grade I got, was in first semester in English; Meeting the guy who would put up with me through all my crazies!

Possible-Paths:
Actually: ME, MS, MBA.. again many things under the sun
Really: Electronics Engineer, Software Engineer, Software Engineer, Software Engineer (Not a typo!)

Software Engineer:

Mind-Voice: "I am just sitting here reading novels and newspapers. Just running these test scripts. Everyday I come and sit before this computer and the world thinks I am in a great job, but does this really make me happy?...  When will I go abroad? ... Now, I am here in the US, travelling, doing all the things I've always wanted to, but then why this emptiness that does not seem to go away, no matter what I do" 

Wows: 

Obvious: Gaining 5 years of software experience

Precious: Gaining the friendship of clients in Minnesota, USA.

Possible-Paths:
Actually: Law, Journalism, Theatre, Business, Gemstone Appreciation... (This is not fiction, but fact. Software has this unparalleled capacity to bring out from deep, the wild desires of people!)
Really: Program Analyst, Manager, Center Head, President

[I ended this phase by meeting and marrying the guy, I mentioned before. From this point onwards,  I seemed to do nothing "real" or "regular". I kept running fast in seemingly bizarre directions.]

Director, Mellinam Education:

The How:

I had quit Software for deep reasons like didn't have any meaning for me and on-the-surface reasons like too long a commute. Newly wed, I took on Madhan's wings and thought I could fly with those. It was later I realized, that if you want to fly, you have to grow your own. He wanted to start a school. So, I wanted it, too. From school to pre-school to creating our own educational material to a new-age Tamil rhyme book, we ended up with this novel product called iPaatti. With Haiku in me, we put in passionate and hard work to release this product. It got rave reviews. But what's more important in business is not the ability to produce, but to sell. And I didn't have that skill. As Madhan became busy with other roles and responsibilities, I, the new mother lacked the drive to keep this company going. A feeling of I'm not really doing much while having the great-sounding title of "Director" kept nagging me.

The Wow: 

Obvious: Setting-up a company; Being everything from the director to the office-boy!

Precious: The lesson that to truly be somewhere, I have to seek and chart my own path.

Qualified Education Agent Counsellor, Australia (QEAC)

The How:

When I realized that iPaatti wasn't doing it for Mellinam and me, tried to explore other options. One of it was taking up a QEAC Exam and helping Indian students choose the right course of studies in Australia. As I had been so confused about deciding my path, I had this noble intention of helping others decide. But then I finally got the meaning of the statement we hear during every airline travel, "Before you help others, please help yourself."

The Wow:

Obvious: Clearing a difficult exam with very short preparation

Precious: The confidence that I can take up any exam

MA(Education)

The How:

Again having started an Education company with just ideals, I wanted to equip myself with knowledge. So, on a twilight evening, walking in IIT, I decided to take up this MA(Education) course from IGNOU. A baby was to be born shortly but I decided to take this course bravely. Learnt a lot of great stuff. Was inspired and motivated by the IGNOU material. No person taught me, all my learning was from books and it happened to be the best education I had got so far in my life. It also introduced me to qualitative research, that I completely fell in love with. Exploring meaning from words was something after my own heart.

The Wow:

Obvious: Raising a baby and completing 10 papers in 1 year; Producing an original research work for my thesis.

Precious: The truth that it doesn't matter where you study, with whom you study, only how much you enjoy what you study.

UGC-NET

The How:

So fascinated I was, by my MA(Education), that I wanted to pursue higher studies and this exam was a requirement. Many people I talked to, said that I had to write the exam, multiple times, to clear it. I decided to give it one shot. Prepared 4 months for this exam. 

The Wow:

Obvious: Cleared it in the first attempt; Ability to be a lecturer anywhere in India for life.

Precious: To tell from personal experience, "You can prepare your way even to the moon."

International Journal Publication

The How:

Having truly enjoyed my research work, Madhan encouraged me strongly to publish my article. So pruned my 100 page dissertation to a 15 page journal article and submitted to an international journal. They accepted.

The Wow:

Obvious: Getting published in a international peer-reviewed academic journal.

Precious: The joy of writing, editing and being published.

PhD Aspirant

As in the beginning, when I wanted to take up engineering in Anna University, once again I made the mistake of wanting something for the sake of an institution. Now it  was a PhD(Humanities and Social Sciences) in IIT(Madras). After endless reading about action research, water pollution, I mixed a cocktail with these elements and my good intentions of cleaning up my city. Thus, I ended up with a very clear image of a very fuzzy idea! Surprisingly, I was shortlisted for an interview. My research proposal was very dramatic. I had envisioned doing action research with students of IIT and other Arts colleges towards cleaning up Chennai. They are not professors of IIT for nothing. After having the good fortune of entertaining them for a short while, I wasn't selected in the interview!

The first time in my entire educational journey, I had failed to get something I wanted. I crashed. Completely. In my scheme of things, I never saw this happening. There I was in my mind's eye, studying in IIT, doing some amazing research... I had put in so much hard work, sacrificing the time I had for my husband and my son. This shouldn't be happening to me, I thought. It took a very long while to get out of the feeling of dejection. Slowly, I climbed out. I saw all the reasons I didn't get into this. It was not about getting an education. It was once again for the wrong reasons and life knocked me out rightly this time. This was the best thing that happened to me, in this entire path.

After this long and complicated journey, turning back at every dead end, thinking it's towards something huge, I have finally discovered it's not about the magnitude of the degree you get, the institution you study or the place you work. It's about how you feel deep inside about the work you do. It may be a very small thing that fills you with immense satisfaction!

At this point, I feel I have found that small thing and unlike the rest, I feel this one is here to stay! Well, partly because, Madhan has threatened that if I don't stick to this chosen path, we are going to have five children and I am going to exclusively take care of them. No..........! But seriously, I am now growing my own wings to fly in my own sky.... and soon, I will take you with me.

[Experiences] BIL Bodhi.Insight.Life

An entire day at BIL "Un-conference", Chennai. Many interesting moments. One life-changing one. To me, speakers are maze-makers. They draw you into unknown territory and dynamically gauging your interest, guide you through the intricacies of their experiences. End-result - a satisfying mental workout. There are always other case-points as in "lost in the maze", "too simple a maze", "too convoluted a maze" and "don't want to be in this maze" scenarios. Luckily, most of the mazes here were on the bright end of the spectrum and here's one such that impacted like a meaningful meteorite on my conscience!

In the course of our lives, haven't we all whined about being "too fat", "too thin", "too fair", "too dark", "long nosed", "stub nosed", "small eyed", "huge eyed", and worse still , moaned about microscopic matters such as "my left foot is slighter larger than my right foot", "I have elephant ears", "my eyelashes are so small" and perpetually compared ourselves against our parents, siblings, neighbors, friends and film-stars! Hold that thought for a moment and look at this guy moving onto the dias, his arms flying out in all directions, his legs stumbling on themselves, his face pulled in different directions at the fate of a cerebral condition. But he walked with aura of confidence that not even a perfectly chiseled modern-day-Apollo has. Meet GJ Siddharth, a differently abled man, deeply "unaffected" by a serious condition called cerebral palsy.

Sid bowled us over by asking us a simple favor - to not to call him challenged. He is not physically challenged, he bravely said. Made me think that the ones who are truly physically challenged are us, the whiners I described above. He shared simple everyday experiences, that we take so much for granted and his momentous task in dealing with the same. A small interlude and his best friend walked on stage and shared nuggets of their friendship, how they have fun in spite of everything and everyone around them. Here's my salute to this friend! "You are able to see the dynamic, humorous man that is not visible to the common eyes. You brave others' opinion to be there for him, to give him a chance at normal life. With someone like you to believe and be there, no obstacle is hard crossing."

[Photos by : Karthick Sundar]

At the end of his talk, we all stood there, giving a standing ovation, with tears in some eyes, and a soft glow in most hearts. Made me think of all the moments , I have wasted over inconsequential things; Of the times, when I felt down and depressed for mere trifles. I hope every time a mood swing swings by, my inner voice reminds me of this moment, clapping for this man.

Just here, realized a deep but simple truth about strength and beauty - that being a Goddess Venus/ Venus Williams is more about the contours of the mind rather than the curves of the body!

[Experiences] Exams 101

Pencils, Anti-malarial drugs, Electric cables, Mobile towers... Seems like I am getting 'out-of-syllabus' already!

First you have, a mother of an extremely energetic and attention-seeking toddler. Multiply that with the learning cells, in a completely dysfunctional state from a 12 year disuse. Compound that with the fact that you set only 3 months to finish an entire year's syllabus. End-result: A shivering exam taker, exactly similar to an egg on pointed heels... That would have described me very well, but for the fact that I was finally getting the education of my life.

Let me tell you, Education on Education is one of those really quaint things... like thinking about thinking or laughing about laughing... A unique human ability. It was an extremely fun-filled 3 months as I discovered so many things about learning, society, politics, economics... just to find I barely scraped the molecule on the tip of the iceberg. There is an ocean out there and education, on anything under the sun, should just enlighten you on your ignorance and motivate you in your never-ending search for more. I feel so lucky to have been exposed to such good material, designed in such a way, to touch the hearts of ones who truly seek. My heartfelt gratitude to the entire M.A(Education) course designing team of IGNOU. The text-books penned by these various professors and doctors of education have at last pointed me in the direction of so many worth-while things to know and seek.

There was an oft-repeated phrase in the books, which was "Nothing can be taught and everything can be learnt". This degree was a case in point. Years of attending teacher taught engineering classes drew a complete blank from me. But my few months of self-explorations have opened up neural pathways upstairs, that I knew not, existed.

This is not to say, it was one perfect walk on rose-buds. There were times I said "I can't do this". Building too much pressure inside. I kept faltering again and again. The self-imposed deadline drew near and the doubts grew darker and darker. If this is the case of someone who has finally discovered something to her liking and enjoying knowing about that, I see the implications of exams that have to be taken and tests that have to be cleared, with no thought about interest or aptitude.

In this journey of learning on learning, I discovered some worthwhile strategies. The unshakeable 'top of the chart' in this regard is mind-maps. This is the one single thing that kept this egg from cracking. After some three subjects of linear learning, I realized that I was not going to cover even half the distance on this route. So, I discovered and customized mind-maps for studying. To describe mind-maps for studying, it's similar to taking a space-ship out-there and taking a cosmic view of your subjects (answers to questions like 'why on earth am I doing this?' , 'what is the point of my studying this degree, this course?') then drop-down to a sky-view and take in the forest ('the links between my subjects, the over-all chemistry of the syllabus'), then a glide-down a parachute to glance the entire tree at close quarters (all about individual subject) and freeze there, see the branches (all those long lessons and units) and just another drop to see where the branches are going (sub-sections and the concepts). If you plan ahead and are able to see the leaves and leaflets (the basic atomic ideas of each concept), then you can truly call yourselves the masters of this art of studying. I discovered that 'zoom out-zoom in' mind-mapping was ultimate fun. Your mind would seriously thank you for not sitting in the first paragraph of the first lesson of the first subject and repeating the first line in loops till the exam bell gongs.

As I was sitting there, on the last day of the exams, with hands aching, I thanked that I had the support and the sense to see that however hard it seemed, how much ever pressure I built on, these exams were just some man-made obstacles, that mattered not in how you crossed them but just that you crossed them.

This is dedicated to every student who is sitting there, on the eve of the exams, with some pencils to drive up the nostrils, a large box of anti-malarial drugs, looking heatedly at the loose electric cables or looking down atop mobile towers... Throw it, Stop looking and see not the miniscule moment of the exam ahead but deep inside for all that you are and can be. Pain, Stress, Exams come and go... You are forever, in your life.

[Experiences] A Step into Thirty

Thanks for the condolences and appreciation of my honesty! :-)

Tomorrow, I step into the next half of my life and feels like there's so much to begin afresh. A quaint, joint Bday celebration with my friend's daughter. She, being the Hiroshima and me, the Nagasaki of August. A beautiful butterfly shaped cake on the table, with just a 3 on it! Wrapped in the warmth of friends and a young-again feeling of sharing it with the next gen.

A walk with college friends and their spouses, recollecting, laughing and most of all, me wondering, how did I manage to complete this education, of which I remember not a single thing, even vaguely! Although words spoken, emotions discovered and lessons of life learnt beat fresh in my heart as though I am living it, right now. Maybe that's the wisdom I've got in this grand old age, that life is mostly about the moments and hardly the facts.

Walking through a flood of memories, as I look up, the leaves elegantly adorn the sky and the rain falls softly on my face. A moment to feel truly happy to be alive.

A lovely evening, and here I am, savoring the minute minutes of the 20s.

[Experiences] New Mom's blues...greens..and yellows!

Disclaimer: Ahem! If the following blog seems too whacky, please excuse it on account of my sleep deprivation!

From Haiku : The Beginning

As the caption goes, my life has taken a very colourful turn. Before one gets any different ideas, let me elaborate on the primary colours. The blues have come in all possible shades and depth! What with the physical pain of hours long labour, the pain-killer epidural, which left me with a killer pain of a headache, that keeps popping it's head even after weeks three, not to mention, the 'baby blues' of being rooted to one spot and doing the same tasks over and over and over again... the mind and body is streaked with all hues of azure,cyan,navy and aquamarine!

From December 2009

Not a moment passes when I don't feel the green-eyed monster stalking inside... What about? I see Madhan, and he is just a micro-sample of the entire other sex, who continues with his life, with minimum possible changes. He still goes to work, he still meets all his friends for lunch, still has the time to tweet,blog and socialize...not to mention, watch cricket! :-) whereas me, again a micro-sample of the female gender, has her life turned topsy turvy! One scream from the little one and all other life stands still. Pen in mid air, email in mid-sentence and cricket in mid-over!(nah! I don't care about that!). Well, my only consolation is that I have a son and he would escapeth this horrible side of inequality!

The yellows...No, you don't want to know about it! :-)

From December 2009

Well, I actually have it better than most women. My dear husband, who wouldn't bat an eyelid for an earthquake, let alone a baby's cry, does put our little one to sleep with his voice, handles him with ease and lets me sleep for long on weekend mornings. He does take me on little escapades everyday... a 30 minute break to drive on the new fly-over, to do a flash shopping and hurray, to the petrol bunk! And oh! the blessing to be born in this culture where your mother takes it upon herself to help you with your child! In the middle of the night, when he has kept us awake for 2 hours, my mother still has the energy to say," I can only bring up my child and grandchild. I will not be alive for the next generation. So, I am taking my last chance".. Kudos to her spirit!

From Haiku : The Beginning

Haiku is also giving me answers to many questions.. How can someone love another who has caused so much pain? To enjoy a little thing that ties you up, eats your freedom? How can you smile and rejoice in every smile and every burp?!! Mysteries being unveiled every moment indeed!

From December 2009

At the end of the day, inspite of the collage of the above colours, what remains behind deeply is the bliss... of finding your loved one's eyes, smile and actions in this miniature, of rejoicing in every wave and every turn, of seeing your child smile in his sleep! Though a huge price has been paid to have this little bundle, these moments are priceless!

Gotta run... Can hear the primary colours!