[Reflections] A Moment of Madness

(A person whom I've known from my childhood and whom I have admired since, ended her life recently. I wish I could have said these to her, when she lived)

Have you stood there, on the edge of a very deep cliff, real or imaginary, thinking "This is it", "There is no point in going on" and "I just want to end it right now and here"?

If you have never ever, consider that you've lived a very fortunate life and applaud yourself for your amazing attitude.

For the rest of you, if you have wanted to end it all, at some point or other, for some thing or the other, as I have, applaud yourself louder for being there, facing it in the eye and walking away unscathed. Not many have flown free through these fierce jaws of death.

This is in mourning and memory of all those desperate souls, who have taken to end this life, with the music still in them. I fervently wish I could have whispered these words as they took the fatal step. It is also to you and to many through you. Tomorrow you may stand in that position and I hope you will hear these words, loud and clear and throw away that thing that stands between you and life.

In the first place, why are you standing here and now, with these thoughts...

Is it because of a failed exam - What if, in a few hours, days, weeks or months, it wouldn't matter whether you passed or failed that exam but only whether you decided to live or not.

Is it because of debts insurmountable? Can I show you a future where you can be the owner of riches unimagined? Just if you just invest the energy you are putting into dying into living.

Is it because of a love unreturned? What if there was love and happiness more than you thought possible, waiting around the corner? Why, even from the same person who refused you?

Is it because of a death unconquerable? What if I could show that the one you loved so much wants you to live the life, as you would have with him or her? What if truly loving them means living with their memory?

Is it because of a vague feeling that pulls you down to somewhere deeper than the deepest pit on earth and burns and ravages your mind until you feel there is nothing but dust up there and you want this body to meet the same fate? What if I told you there are medicines and there are people you can talk to, that will wipe away these thoughts, as if it were a thing of the past?

Believe me, no matter how humongous your reason may seem, it is just as silly in the end, if it makes you end it all.

Are the voices in your head whispering...

"You are a waste of space. Of no use to anyone","You just hurt everyone around you. They will rejoice and be relieved that you're gone","No one loves you. Every one has rejected you."......

The one that needs to die today is not you, but that voice in your head. Don't kill yourself. Kill it.

Do you think your death is an answer to everything...

If you could see the thousands gathering at your doorstep crying, wishing that they had called you, that they had come to see you, at the moment you chose this fate... some stranger you smiled at, some friend you hugged ages ago, some relative whose life you changed. If only.

If you could see the guilt, the shame, the pain of your family, in a million multiples of whatever you may be feeling now. If you could see the tears of your children, born or yet to be born, if you could see the agony of the loved one, you love or are yet to love. If only.

If you could see the magic still in you. If you could see the empires you can build, the books you can pen, the lives you can touch. If only.

Walk out of the black prison of your mind to blue skies... to a beautiful, meaningful happiness you never thought possible.

[Movies] Naan Ee - Fly high!

Readers of this blog are aware that sometimes even a rocket's buzz doesn't rouse me enough to write. Surprisingly, it's a fly and it's war-cry!... And here I was thinking, "What? A revenge-story about a fly - Surely not (in) my cup of tea!"

Puns apart, the movie was a class apart! The last time I felt so high and happy because of our sibling-species in movies, was Ratatouille. The makers could have easily seen this as a super-hero fly, capable of anything. But no, it is just a common house-fly, that has a hard life in this human world. In intricate, logical advances, the fly conquers the heart of even a cynical skeptic.

A bold attempt and a sincere one, at that. The devil is in the details, they say and so is this 'Naan Ee'. I would say that everyone, from the director, cinematographer, dialogue-writer, lyric-writer to the animator, involved in the movie became a micro-artist, for it was from every angle, etched in a fly's perspective.

Odes should be written about the apt characterization of the roles in the movie. Firstly, in portraying the female actor as a micro-sculptor.

 ["நுண்சிலை செய்திடும் பொன் சிலையே/ பென்சிலை சீவிடும் பெண் சிலையே"

"A micro-sculpting gold statue/ A pencil-sharpening girl statue"]

Then, in the adorable charm of the male lead. His life is so short but it doesn't seem so, for what are we, but our soul and will?! This shines through every action of the fly and that is the true success of the movie. Not to miss, the hated villain! We've been thrilled to see villains pounded to our satisfaction in Indian movies, galore. Still, this actor takes it to a whole new level, in the duel between him and the fly. Likewise, even miniature roles bring jumbo laughs, in the end.

The camera and the chemistry makes you fall in love with the leads' love and feel fully its poignancy in being realized only in another birth. 

                        [Image courtesy - viewtamil.com]

"நீ திரைகள் மாட்டினால்

உள் அறைகள் பூட்டினால்

உன் இதயமூலையில்

நானே இருப்பேன்."

"You may hang those curtains

And close the doors within,

But in your heart's corner,

I will still remain!"

The movie is intricately and beautifully interwoven. In a fluid flow, you see the music in the dialogues, you see the lyrics in the cinematography and so on... A true treat, that makes you cheer at every strike. All emotions are aroused, but like caring mothers, the makers have ensured that you leave with a smile. Also, a glow in your heart that Indian movies are starting to do class things and reaching the mass too!  

                    [Image courtesy - http://www.sattigadu.com]

In making this fly, they have taken us on a journey to find that, what ultimately moves any man, is his mind and with that, no one is a small fry. A complete pleasure to simply sit back and enjoy how this bug bucks you up!

[Travelogue] Nagalapuram - Trek or Treat!

Sometimes we think we make journeys harder than they are meant to be. But everything was meant to be... beautifully be!

For months now, we were planning a trek to Nagalapuram. Work and routine often makes dreams distant. Still, inspired by the tales of those who have been there, decided it's a do-or-die, this weekend. Food, essentials, why even shoes were shopped just the day before and all the shopping before the night of the trek, seemed a trek by itself! With barely a few hours of sleep under the belt, we woke to a glorious morning. Journeyed by car through the concrete jungles of Chennai towards the real thing! The blushing dawn seemed to me, a bride's smile. With random games and a juke-box, the detours were brushed aside. Finally reached Nagalapuram, helped by the directions of assorted men-in-lungis and old-women-with-vadais!

Through super-bumpy roads we sailed to the huge mango tree, that seemed like the base-camp described in blogs. After breaking the fast, pretty fast, we took a path. Why do we go in a certain direction? We could have easily turned either left or right. But we turned left and that made all the difference to the journey. Seeing a few bikes near a path got us excited that we were on the right track.

On difficult paths, amidst thorny bushes, we went on searching, wanting to scale the peak. On the way, we encountered a group of guys, presumably the bike-owners. Bad news! They said they were lost and were searching this side of the hill, for nearly 45 minutes and couldn't find the stream. They ambled along with us, for sometime and then decided to give up the trek. After nearly 2 hours of walking, all roads seemed to lead nowhere and finally, we stopped near the dam. 

Dejection was creeping in. But then, a sensible thing, we did. Call the experts at the Chennai Trekking Club. There are good souls in this world. They didn't chide us, for not taking a guide. They just gave us the directions, no questions asked.

For what seemed like forever on the wrong-road trail, we were back to the point we started. Although our bodies were crying "enough is enough", thank goodness for the indomitable spirit, that steers and surprises us! Onward we marched in the opposite direction, worn out, scorched, cut by thorns and hurt by rocks. Kudos to those two kids, who were still trudging along with us. After more sun, more walk, there the sweetest sound on earth, the gurgling stream nearby. Once the eyes caught a look of the flowing water, the fire in the heart seemed to burn bright.

Through dense trees, amidst the unpolluted cries of the birds, we walked to, to finally what seemed like that place... you dream every dream of. Where everything is alright with the world. When your nature is one with mother nature! Imagine being a one-year-old, after having a sharp fall, when tears are pouring from your eyes, your mother takes you in her able warms, hugs you tightly, wipes your tears and removes your fears. The exact same feeling. The flowing, clear water, the pure notes of the birds, the swishing tress, the rushing waterfall, all doing that magical thing!

After all that strain and pain, to see the unbounded joy and wide smiles of the two kids who came along, made it all worthwhile. I believe we gave them a gift for life, about the truth, that no matter how hard the journey, in the end, there is more beauty, more peace and more happiness than you could have ever imagined. Just, if you walk on...

[Reflections] Musings on the Wall 2011

Presenting a collection of some of my musings on Facebook in 2011. A metaphoric mural with the shades of my world within and without!

"

Eyes that see beauty, ears that hear peace, tongues that speak kindness, legs that stand up with courage and arms that reach out with love - A wish for all humanity to be truly able.
" - December 4 at 12:10am

"

Is the pressure of your burdens becoming unbearable? Is the heat of your problems scorching your very core? Do you find time taking a snail-back journey? Do you find yourself crying, "This is way beyond my calling"? Behold! 'Tis just a piece of carbon, getting a makeover; Know! 'Tis just for the diamond in you, to discover!" - November 8 at 10:29pm

"

Most minds are trees that go skyward, sprouting branches, leaves and flowers and never looking back. Special is the one, like the banyan, going back again and again to where it came from - A symbol of daring to re-live the darkness of birth, honoring the past and always learning... to love and live." - October 9 at 11:23pm

"

On a train by the window, there flashing past a young couple in conversation, here vanishing by an old man deep in thought, there an uncared dustbin, here a lush green tree - Hey life, how fleeting you are, leaving just the memory of the savored moment past. "
 - October 2 at 1:20am

"

Purity of the snow flake, Passion of the candle flame, Poetry of the tear drop, Comfort of the prayer bead, Caress of the mountain breeze - Many languages of touch." 
- September 19 at 11:42pm

"

As I placed Haiku's baby feet on mine and walked him around the room, a drop of precious memory trickled through me... Of me, doing the exact same action on my father's feet, as a little girl. Just realized then that no matter how zig-zag it seems, life comes around to a very neat circle in the end. Dot.
" - September 12 at 11:33pm

"

Does it seem like a tunnel, a prison, a well, a forest - Those dark and dangerous places of the mind? A ray of light, a pinch of freedom, the last step, the first human - Just a vision of these to get out of those mazes of the mind!" - August 31 at 12:54am

"

When the ape walked upright, there was a human; When the human walked ahead, there were new lands; When humanity walked together, there were revolutions; - A talk to take a walk, to dust one's head and best oneself." 
- August 23 at 11:43pm

"

Should the tongue feel sad that the eyes can speak a million words in a moment? Should the eyes feel low that the mind can see beyond those walls? Should the mind feel glum that the soul is not scared of death? ..... Should one be jealous of another?
" - August 13 at 12:38am

"

The breeze that hugs you tight when you're low on a high place; The waves that keep coming back to you again and again; The earth that holds you up whether you rise or fall; The flame that shows how you look up to the skies with unfaltering eyes - An ode to both the elements of nature and the nature of people!" - August 9 at 12:40am

"Why revenge and hatred? Is it easier to rage and ravage? Why keep proving that we have descended from the impulsive animals? Why not the thinking race that has conquered space and sea? Why an eye for an eye? Why not a mind's eye? Here's to a world that sees and survives!
" - July 15 at 12:03am

"

People from high places; Families at airports; Moments of montage songs; Eyes of strangers; Lines from moving movies; Faces of faraway lands; - The splendid shades of humanity!
"- July 10 at 9:27am

"

Distant lands, exotic foods, strange faces, difficult accents, reordered routines, unfamiliar dwellings - Journeying to know just a bit more about me and the third rock from the sun." - May 11 at 11:31pm

"Once swimming in a fluid world, now walking, running, climbing in a solid one; Once content with the rumbling gurgles, now wanting the latest tunes; Once a speck within me, now in a world of your own; - In awe of your journey, my son!
"- May 6 at 12:39am

"

Just a combination of rhythmic words, Just a permutation of musical notes - Where from, that power ... to paint a smile, to wipe some tears, to raise sky high, to sow dreams and love? An ode to the waltz of lyrics and music!
"- April 26 at 12:27am

"

Some are like the patient pasture, some are like the gentle breeze, some are like the bubbling brook, some are like the sparkling flame - Textures vary, flavors vary but this half of the world holds the rope and hope of life in them!
" - March 9 at 11:25pm

"
When the fire of anger burns inside and hurting flames are waiting to scorch the person before, won't a cool breeze flow from the corners of the brain, whispering images, painting words of a past kindness?
" - February 17 at 11:16pm

"

Nandini Karky
 was engrossed in watching a religious procession, today. Ladies decked in their best & men in silk dhotis as though welcoming their favorite son-in-law, an old man whose back was bent in a deep question mark, busy vendors, bustling priests and most of all, the god in question, in a florally decorated chariot, shining in his silence." - 
February 15 at 10:41am

"
Heartfelt wishes to be all that you want to be and do all that you want to do, in an awesome 2011.
" - January 1 at 1:46am

[Lyrics] AskLaska: SetSquare-Stethoscope Heart-to-Heart

Perhaps, if all the words in all the love songs, written by earthlings, are placed one on top of the other, it will reach the beings on the earth-like planet, discovered some galaxies away! Love, a feeling, in spite of being probed by microscopes and telescopes, still seems to gift something fresh to the one who seeks truly. AskLaska, the latest love sensation from Nanban, a spell-binding case in point. Here's looking at it with my eyes...

[Image composed from multiple sources]

அஸ்க் லஸ்கா ஏமோ ஏமோ - ஐ
அஸ்த் அஸ்த் லைபே -
அஹாவா போலிங்கோ சிந்தா சிந்தா
இஷ்க் இஷ்க் மைலே - லவ்
இஷ்ட பிரேம பியாரோ பியாரோ - ஒரு
காதல் உந்தன் மேலே

In these few words, the elation of being in love, that binds human race as one, is experienced. Here is love, the ultimate unifier, as spoken in various corners of the world! In spite of being unseen strangers, these words hold hands with the music and walk like a couple, smiling at each other. Although this is undoubtedly, the most unique dimension of this song, something else beyond these lines seem to call out to me, joyfully... 

Lines below, talk of love in the language of engineering. Here is an intelligent engineer, whose love for a girl, is spoken with the implicit love for his education. 

முக்கோணங்கள் படிப்பேன்/ உன் மூக்கின் மேலே
(Triangles, I study on your nose)
விட்டம் மட்டம் படிப்பேன்/ உன் நெஞ்சின் மேலே
(Width and depth I understand, from your heart)
மெல்லிடையோடு வளைகோடு / நான் ஆய்கிறேன்!
(Curve line, I explore on your waistline)

The girl is second to none either, which she proves with her apt reply. Ah, the incomparable delight I feel, to see women portrayed intelligently in our movies!

ப்ளாட்டோவின் மகனாய் உன் வேடமா?
ஆராய்ச்சி நடத்த நான் கூடமா?
(Is Plato's son, your disguise?
And me, your research lab?)

At the same time, the charming doctor reveals how perfect she is to love this genius of an engineer, by the equivalent passion for her education. In her 'therapeutic' words... 

பாழும் நோயில் விழுந்தாய்/ உன் கண்ணில் கண்டேன்
(See you fall into the depths of illness)
நாளும் உண்ணும் மருந்தாய் / என் முத்தம் தந்தேன்
(Prescribed my kisses as your medicine)
உன் நெஞ்சில் நாடிமானி வைக்க/ காதல் காதல் என்றே கேட்க..
(As I place my stethoscope on your heart, it's 'love love', I hear!)

All this leaves me wistfully wondering, how many love what they are doing, and when they do... how magical would love and life be!

[Movies] A Separation / Iranian 2011

Once again, I am jolted from my months-long literary slumber by a magical journey. Here you are, on a theatre seat one moment and vanishing into thin air, the next. It is very rare that you take the entire theatre with you, and in perfect 'zen' silence, that too. That is to be seen to be heard! Introducing 'A Separation' at the International Film Festival, in Chennai.

From the word go, one feels pulled into a mesmerizing painting and one is the artist, the colors and the subject, all rolled into a perfect whole that one forgets what one is. Each actor, acted not, but lived. Each emotion was not out there, it was within. Every element of the movie had one unifying element - economy. Not a single scene, a single word, a single expression was unnecessary. Sculpting precisely, ego, honesty, loyalty, love, as real as it can be!

Ever thought about what would you do if you had to choose between a dying old man and an unborn child? A moral dilemma indeed, specially to those concerned. Many philosophers theorize about man's morality. One such theory describes it as stages with the first layer akin to the simple reasoning of a child who thinks "it's all right to do anything as long as one doesn't get caught". The next one being the phase when we do things "to keep the others around pleased or things that are right according to law". Then again, the final level, the highest and most difficult level founded on the "universal principles of an ideal humanity". This movie touches on every one of these layers and from multiple angles. Life as it is, seems to be the most interesting story of all.

Into the homes, in the streets, you walk following an enigmatic stranger - the story. You see unfolding the multiple realities of every character - their faith, their conflict, their honor, their life, in fine detail. Not all that different from you and me. In all, a perfectly woven persian carpet, magically flying you through the hills and vales of the human mind!

[Experiences] The Bridge Between...

Life's jigsaws are pretty quirky. Here a piece, there a piece but at moments when you discover the connects, something magical happens. This is about all those interwoven web of connections that I could see in a momentous moment.

The event was the confluence of women from the polar ends of the world. On the one hand, you have Hillary Clinton - First Lady, Senator, Presidential Runner-up and now, Secretary of State of a very powerful nation. A dynamic symbol of power and fortune. On the other hand, you have 400 women, who don't have a list of posts or power. But they have taken the mantle of their families in their hands. From dire poverty and helplessness, they have empowered themselves to be working women. Moving symbols of hope and courage. Although languages differ, cultures differ, both the speaker and the audience, were connected by the fact that they were both women and working women, at that.

From July 2011

An entrepreneur came on stage to tell her story to Ms. Hillary Clinton. She spoke on the many facets of the working woman - Leaving their young children at home, opposition from family and the benefits of belonging in a group. Her words illustrated the power of independence, the possibilities of a woman who takes charge of her family. She dwelled on the fact of how there was vehement opposition from her husband when starting out on this initiative and now she does not depend on him, be it to marry off her daughters or give them a full education. Just made me think about husbands, on one end, blocking and preventing a woman's growth and of husbands, as in my case, who encourage, push them forward, make them reach for things that even the woman can't see.

The Secretary spoke on the power of self-help movements that has changed the lives of women all around the world. She promised 'more help' for 'self-help'. Marketing training programmes, political management course for Panchayat leaders were some of the many weapons, she sold to these women. The powerful weapons of education, that can change the lives of many. She also spoke about the problems faced by women cooking on unclean stoves and ways of converting the sale of clean cookstoves as a business opportunity for these women. She praised them, applauded them for the great example they were setting for their sons and daughters. It was a true honor to capture the essence of her words and relay to the audience. I was truly touched when after the Secretary had long gone, these women continued to come to me and say they loved the way I relayed the message to them. My education, my skills have truly found a purpose if I succeeded in touching the hearts of these struggling women with the message of one truly empowered woman.

From July 2011

My personal weapon of education, I received from my father, who wrote my school oratorical speeches from the age of 5. He planted the seed of communicating well, beyond barriers and without concern for the status of the listener. When growing up, I have seen him speak both to people in high positions and to people working on the fields, with the same ease and clarity. It is only because of this something that he left in me, I was able to face this stressful situation with a simple philosophy, "However powerful, Madame Clinton is also a woman and a human being, sharing this planet with me". My father who taught me to speak was there, but a brief time in my life, having passed away when I was 11. But he changed it forever with the many skills and attitudes he gave me. I wish every father in India and the world believes in the greatness of his daughter and gives the most beautiful gift of all, not jewels, not money but a meaningful education.

In my little capacity as the interpreter, I was fortunate, very fortunate to be in this gathering, linking this great woman on stage to that great woman on ground. One, making a difference to her home called world and another making a difference to her world called home!